he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
