so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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