He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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