Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
