so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she looked like the before picture.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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