I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
