so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
