We named our party play list daddy issues
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
