My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
