He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
