thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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