First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
