I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
