You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
