its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
