His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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