im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
