i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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