YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
