those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
