i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
