Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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