Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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