Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
