I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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