Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
