Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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