My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
