Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
