I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
