I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
