I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
