He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..