He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize