I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest