Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

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(302): I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course http://tfl.nu/mcvz

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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(978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj

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(718): View more from New York

I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.

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(718): I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide. http://tfl.nu/8m3e

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(207): View more from Maine

i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.

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(207): i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships. http://tfl.nu/unsu

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(662): View more from Mississippi

An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.

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(662): An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows. http://tfl.nu/wtg2

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(256): View more from Alabama

that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level

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(256): that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level http://tfl.nu/kj4c

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(407): View more from Florida

Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.

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(407): Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS. http://tfl.nu/pvmv

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?

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(617): did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant? http://tfl.nu/svwz

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(410): View more from Maryland

Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.

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(410): Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity. http://tfl.nu/9x3b

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(619): View more from California

We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?

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(619): We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!? http://tfl.nu/jmdl

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(416): View more from Toronto

Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds

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(416): Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds http://tfl.nu/xosv

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(310): View more from California

So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.

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(310): So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1. http://tfl.nu/ef5h

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.

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(+44): My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste. http://tfl.nu/tlxh

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.

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(440): I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding. http://tfl.nu/u15s

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(515): View more from Iowa

He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.

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(515): He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/kc12

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