then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...