Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.