so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?