so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
