Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
