we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
