we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
