Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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