somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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