My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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