he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
