I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
