i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
His hands were made for my vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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