some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
