I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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