sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
