I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
