Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
