i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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