First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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