I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
