Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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