I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
