i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
