Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
