let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
