No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
