Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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