I just made out with a guy for $7.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
