shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
