i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
