Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We had sex on a dog bed..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
