so explain again why im purple
no
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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