The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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