Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
