I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ugly people sure do ruin things
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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