My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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