you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
