i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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