Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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