I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
