You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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