I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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