i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
