he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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