I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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