A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
