So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
