I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
