Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
