Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
